And so begins the countdown…the month that I will marry once again. It is pretty common knowledge that this “ain’t my first rodeo”. And to some it may have become a joke…a snicker about how long it will last….a wise crack about catching the next one. To those people I say shame on you. There is nothing funny about the demise of a family. There is nothing comical about heartbreak and a loss of dreams. There is nothing funny about financial disaster. There is nothing leg slapping hilarious about a girl who has struggled with relationships her whole life. Now, being a martyr in all these relationships is not my goal. I have made some really really stupid decisions, mistakes and choices. But I have also been dealt some crappy hands. And since I’m no card shark ….I mean I don’t even like going in the ocean…life has been a struggle.

But every hand I’ve been dealt (even the hands I dealt myself) – each one has brought people into my life that have brought me deep soul clenching joy. People and experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything. For that, I would take the pain and disappointment and crazy fruit basket turnover of a life I have lived all over again. The Lord knows my heart better than anyone. He knows my struggles, He knows my weaknesses and he knows my strengths. He has heard me in the middle of the night crying and begging for him to intervene. To provide a miracle. To save my marriage over and over. Only inevitably there was something that tipped the iceberg… you know the straw? You know which one I’m talking about …..the one that broke the camels back? Yeah, you know that one thing I decided I couldn’t live with or couldn’t take a day longer. But it was always a choice. And I’m not making light of any of the choices I’ve made. But starting this month: The month of thanksgiving; The month of my birth; The month I will marry once again… I have a renewed sense of hope. I can’t linger in my past and dwell and wallow in my groanings. I have to pick up my life and make the best of the rest of my years on this earth. So on November 24, 2018 .. my 49th Birthday, the day Alabama plays Auburn, the first day of Gun season, two days after thanksgiving …..on this day I will once again believe Love truly does bear all things , it absolutely believes all things, it does and will always hope all things, and it, as this marriage will show you… endures ALL things. And so begins the countdown………